Many candidates unwittingly make the mistake of thinking that they have expressed their contribution by offering a bland, summary statement: “…and I will bring my leadership skills to Fuqua.” One of the reasons we prefer to work with candidates “from Start to Finish” is so we can proactively prevent such problems. Simply relating a story about one of your past leadership experiences and then repeating the main point does not demonstrate that you will make a meaningful contribution to the school. Ideally, you would go further, explaining how you would apply and use your experience while at the school, and thereby showing a true understanding of your fit with that particular program.

Example 1: “…thus my experience as a stand-up comedian will allow me to bring humor to the Kellogg environment.”

With this statement, the admissions committee is left asking, “How exactly will this applicant bring humor to the environment? Does he really know what our environment is about?” In contrast, consider the following:

Example 2: “….thus my experience as a stand-up comic will prove particularly useful at Kellogg, a dynamic environment where I will be constantly joining new and energetic study teams. I am hopeful that I can use my sense of humor to create more relaxed team environments, helping everyone feel comfortable contributing. However, I intend to use my sense of humor judiciously, such as offering an appropriately timed joke to diffuse tense moments during late-night study sessions…”

In Example 2, the writer has applied his personal experience to the Kellogg experience, and has thereby shown a clear connection with the school, proving that he has an intimate identification with it and a true understanding of its nature.

Over the years, we have found that one of the essay questions that gives candidates the most grief is the dreaded one about an “ethical dilemma.” Although most candidates clearly understand what is and is not ethical, the problem usually lies in the word “dilemma.” As you can tell from the definition provided, a dilemma occurs when two equally conclusive sides exist simultaneously—with the emphasis on “equally.” Here we offer two examples of responses to an “ethical dilemma” essay question. The first presents only one reasonable side, and the second offers two.

Example 1: “While I was working at ABC firm, my boss asked me to book our second quarter revenue in advance so that we could create the appearance of a great first quarter. I firmly told him that this was unethical and refused.”

In this example, the candidate is asked to do something that is clearly unethical. However, because the argument really has only one reasonable side—the reader would not want to hear the story if the candidate had agreed to book revenue ahead of schedule!—no ethical dilemma actually exists in this case.

Example 2: “As the marketing manager for a small pharmaceutical company, I had to set the price for our breakthrough drug. I needed to consider that on the one hand, a rock-bottom price would mean that our life-saving drug would be available to all. But on the other hand, even though a high price would serve a smaller market, it would make the drug far more profitable and would ensure that we could continue to conduct valuable research into additional life-saving compounds.”

In this second example, the candidate outlines a true dilemma. This applicant could be entirely comfortable telling the reader that he pursued either of the pricing strategies, as long as he walks the reader through his/her rationale.

The test to determine whether the experience you would like to discuss in your essay involves a true dilemma is fairly simple. Ask yourself, “Could I comfortably discuss the alternative to the path I chose?” If the answer is “yes,” you are clearly on the right track. If the answer is “no,” try again.

Our philosophy at mbaMission is that candidates should let their experiences—not just their word choices—captivate the admissions committees. Sometimes we find that instead, candidates attempt to emphasize their actions with “extreme” adjectives and adverbs, and this is an approach we strongly advise against.

Example: “As others withdrew their support, I remained remarkably dedicated to our crucial fundraising efforts. I dramatically increased my participation in our strategic planning meetings and insisted that we push forward with a wildly creative guerilla marketing plan, which brought forth tremendous results—$1M in ‘instant’ proceeds.”

In these two sentences, the writer uses the descriptors remarkably, dramatically, wildly and tremendous to make his impression. We find that a more effective approach is to eliminate these “extreme” descriptions and let the experiences do the “talking.”

Example: “As others withdrew their support, I remained dedicated to our fundraising efforts. I increased my participation in our strategic planning meetings and insisted that we push forward with a guerilla marketing plan that brought $1M in ‘instant’ proceeds.”

In this second example, we do not need to be told that the results were “tremendous,” because the $1M speaks for itself; we do not need to be told that the marketing campaign was “wildly creative,” because this is implied in the nature of guerilla marketing. In addition to truly showing a level of humility on the part of the candidate, this approach is also less wordy. Although the eight words saved in the latter example may seem inconsequential, we removed them from only two sentences. If we can remove four words from each and every sentence, we would be able to significantly (but of course humbly) augment your essay with other compelling ideas.

Example:

“In my current position, I am no longer learning and am afraid I will continue to stagnate without my MBA. I cannot achieve my objective of becoming a leader in the marketing department at my firm unless…”

Common sense would say that the admissions committee would likely not be very excited about accepting an applicant who has stopped learning or who believes that his/her career progress can be thwarted by basic obstacles.

Example Revisited:

“As I look to the future, I recognize that with MBA training, I could dramatically increase my impact on my firm. With an eye toward a leadership position in our marketing department, I am….”

In this revised example, the candidate is expressing the exact same need for an MBA in positive terms and is thus making him/herself a more warm and engaging prospect (while still candidly stating a need for further education).

Before submitting your file, check for unnecessarily negative statements. Although we would never suggest that every line in your essays needs to be full of sunshine, you should certainly take steps to avoid portraying yourself as a pessimist.

What is the difference between a mere mention and providing context?

Mention:

“With a focus on entrepreneurship, I will participate in Columbia’s Entrepreneurial Sounding Board process. Further, I am attracted to classes such as…”

Context:

“With clear plans to launch my start-up immediately after graduating from Columbia, I look forward to testing my ideas through the Entrepreneurial Sounding Board; I find this opportunity to meet with faculty and gain critical feedback and mentoring invaluable as I…”

In the first example, the candidate shows an awareness of the Sounding Board but does not provide the context necessary for the reader to fully understand how the candidate will use this resource; therefore, the mention is entirely superficial. Further, because the candidate has seemingly not taken the time to reflect on this resource, he/she has to move on to listing the classes he/she plans to take and thus begins to merely catalog resources rather than offering a reasoned consideration of how the school’s offerings fit his/her plans.

In the second example, the reader can better understand exactly how the candidate will use the resource mentioned; the applicant has shown that he/she has done the necessary homework on the school and truly grasps how Columbia will satisfy his/her academic and professional needs. The reader is drawn to the latter example because it is more informed and serious minded; the reader can be certain that the candidate has a set path and a clear plan to achieve specific goals.

We have found that with regard to overrepresented candidates who have unique professional goals, one strategy that can be quite helpful is leading with goals instead of professional history. After all, “typical” experience is not as captivating as unusual (but realistic!) ambitions. So, the Indian technologist who plans to open a boutique hotel or the male investment banker who aspires to start a competitive windsurfing circuit can use these bold goals to stand out from the start.

Again, we emphasize that such candidates need to have (and show!) a compelling connection to their goals, and we do not suggest that overrepresented candidates strive to imagine or create “wild” goals just to catch the admissions committee’s attention. However, if you have a profound connection to an unusual goal, then  responding to the school’s questions in a differing order and ensuring that your goals are out front can make a difference.

“The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.”
– Theodore Roosevelt

Roosevelt’s words are as true today as when he spoke them. The essence of a manager is…

Another option is to embed the quotation within the first line of the essay, as follows:

As Peter F. Drucker said, “Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.” I have found the distinction between management and leadership especially important…

There is really only one rule about using quotations: do not overdo it! One grand quotation per application (not per essay!) is plenty and is certainly not mandatory. When deciding whether to include a quotation in an essay, consider the following:

• Does the quotation fit the essay’s main theme?
• Does the quotation reflect who you are or what you believe?
• Does the quotation enhance the essay?

If the answers to these questions are all “yes,” then making the quotation a part of your narrative might be a good idea.

The passive voice puts the verb in the “wrong” place in the sentence, thereby removing the “action.” Subjects become acted upon rather than performing actions. Sentences with the passive voice typically include verb phrases like “was” or “has been” (e.g.: “it was determined,” “there has been”).

Consider this example of the passive voice:

“The marathon was run despite my injury.”

In this sentence, the verb (or action) is diminished because the writer says the marathon “was run.” A better way of describing the same activity is to use the active voice, as illustrated in this example:

“I ran the marathon despite my injury.”

Below are two more examples:

Passive: “The contract was awarded to us.”

Active: “We won the contract.”

Passive: “It was decided that I would be in charge of the project.”

Active: “My boss selected me to be in charge of the project.”

Remember—you are at the center of your essays! The best way to tell your stories and explain your accomplishments is by making sure that you are the catalyst of the stories you tell. Using the active voice ensures that the admissions committees see you as an active person who makes things happen.

Consider the examples of a software analyst who is now a project manager, managing a budget and leading a team of 20 programmers, and of an investment banking analyst who is now in his/her third year with a company and has been sent abroad to work directly with a CFO:

The Project Manager:

Chronological: “Joining ABC Technology as a software programmer, I…”

Reverse: “Scrutinizing my plan one last time, I waited to present my team’s $3.7M proposal to our client…”

The Investment Banker:

Chronological: “As an investment banking analyst at Deutsche Bank, I started…”

Reverse: “Arriving in Taipei, I was admittedly nervous to finally meet the CFO of XYZ Co. and lead my firm’s due diligence process…”

In these examples, the candidates immediately present their standout accomplishments and thrust their readers into the excitement of their stories. Although this kind of reverse introduction is not “all purpose,” it can be a feasible option in such circumstances. Still, in choosing this approach, the candidate must also be able to fluidly return to earlier moments in his/her career later in the essay—a task that requires creativity and skill.

Weak: “I now have adequate work experience and hope to pursue an MBA.”

Strong: “Through my work experience, I have gained both breadth and depth, providing me with a solid, practical foundation for pursuing my MBA.”

——

Weak: “I now want to pursue an MBA.”

Strong: “I am certain that now is the ideal time for me to pursue my MBA.”

——

Weak: “I have good quantitative skills and will succeed academically.”

Strong: “I have already mastered the quantitative skills necessary to thrive in my MBA studies.”

——

Weak: “With my MBA, I hope to establish myself as a leader.”

Strong: “I am certain that with my MBA, I will propel myself to the next levels of leadership.”

The key in all of these examples is the use of language that conveys self-confidence—instead of “hope,” use “will;” instead of saying you have “good” skills, show “mastery.” Although you should avoid sounding arrogant, by being assertive and direct, you will inspire confidence in your reader and ensure that you make a positive impression.