Monday Morning Essay Tip: “Show, Don’t Tell”
November 17th, 2008 | Posted in Monday Morning Essay Tips
There is an old journalistic maxim, “Show, don’t tell,” which demands that writers show their actions to express an event or story and not just offer the results of what happened.
Tell (Results Oriented):
“I arrived at ABC Bank and took on a great deal of responsibility in corporate lending. I managed diverse clients in my first year and earned the recognition of my manager. Because of my hard work, initiative and leadership, he placed me on the management track, and I knew that I would be a success in this challenging position.”
In the two sentences above, the reader is told that the applicant “took on a great deal of responsibility,” “managed diverse clients,” and “earned recognition,” none of which is substantiated via the story. Further, there is no evidence of “hard work, initiative and leadership.”
By showing your actions in detail, the same conclusions are drawn, but facts facilitate them. Essentially, facts become your evidence!
Show: (Action Oriented)
“Almost immediately after joining ABC bank, I took a risk in asking management for the accounts left by a recently transferred manager. Soon, I expanded our lending relationships with a children’s clothing retailer, a metal recycler and a food distributor, making decisions on loans of up to $1MM. Although I had a commercial banking background, I sought the mentorship of our District Manager and studied aggressively for the CFA (before and after fourteen-hour days); I was encouraged when the Lending Officer cited my initiative and desire to learn, placing me on our management track….”
In the example above, the story shows the “great deal of responsibility” (client coverage/ $1MM lending decisions) and “diverse clients” (a children’s clothing retailer, a metal recycler and a food distributor). Further, “hard work, initiative and leadership” are clear throughout. The latter is a more interesting, rich and humble paragraph – one that is more likely to captivate the reader.
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