Monday Morning Essay Tip: Details Make the Story Come Alive
June 16th, 2008 | Posted in Monday Morning Essay Tips, Blogroll
Many writers tend to confuse adjectives and adverbs (“describing” words) with details. When adjectives and adverbs emphasize an emotion or emotional state, they can add very little to an experience and can even undermine it. However, when that emotion or emotional state is described properly, it can bring a story to life.
Example 1: “With the award in hand, I felt extremely proud of my accomplishment.”
In the case above, the word “extremely” does not help create the reader’s mental picture, but merely states the obvious. After all, there is very little difference between being “extremely proud” and “proud,” as pride is naturally an “extreme” emotion. This just doesn’t tell the reader very much about how the writer actually felt.
Example 2: “Approaching the podium to receive the award, I admittedly felt faint. Even though I was shaking, I managed to give our President a firm handshake as she passed me the award. As I began to speak to a crowd of my colleagues, I finally understood what it meant to be proud of myself.”
In the example above, the details of the story (”felt faint,” “I was shaking”) create an image in the reader’s mind. The reader is not relating to the simple adjectives that reinforce existing impressions, but experiencing details that bring color to the story. In the first example, the story does not change if the word “extremely” is removed, but in the second, real emotion is conveyed.
We encourage our candidates to avoid adjectives that reinforce an existing emotion and to write descriptively to capture a spirit.
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